She is Jordan, you are Pippen - Find your Niche

When we first started this process, I had no idea what role I would play. All I knew was that I would be standing at the end of the aisle wearing a dope a** tuxedo, my boys in my corner, and diligently trying to suppress my single tear from rolling down my cheek as Shari floated down the aisle. My role in this wedding cemented by black Hollywood from the likes of "The Wood" and "Best Man" suggested less opinionated and more support. Shari was Michael Jordan and my position was Scottie Pippen - which I had no rejections, whatsoever.  This idea of "helping" seemed pretty simple. Don't be late, dress like a grown man, do not mean mug in any pictures and, of course, DO NOT BE LATE. Boy, was he wrong. 

It was after reality struck, that being involved meant finding the niche that I was good at and/or finding things I was passionate about. This led me to focusing on two things that were fun and challenging but played major roles. Thus, the emergence of Deezy Calicker - accountant & technical support specialist. Each of these roles are very essential to any wedding post-2008 and many savvy couples can easily overlook the role each piece can play in the wedding puzzle.


As the go-to-guy for all things finance regarding the wedding, the focus was really on how to have a one-of-a-kind event without going into debt to do it. Now, before we go forward - let's talk about debt for a moment. I'm sure we all aware in 2015 that there is good debt and bad debt. And if you didn't know just nod along in agreement as if you knew the whole time. Trust me, no judgement! (As Shari gives a non-judgmental side-eye).

So check it. Good debt comes in the form of things that are necessary but not always affordable at the moment without burning through a savings account, i.e transportation, mortgage, tuition, and low-interest credit cards. Bad debt is whipping out the credit card and running the tab up/making it rain/splurging until their is not one red cent left at your disposal. This bad debt monster is exactly what we did not want to accrue during our journey to and after the alter. To be honest, it just wasn't that serious. We figured if we needed to go into debt to pay off a wedding, it just wasn't the right time. And we agreed to that principle, together! As we've discussed previously in the post "Road tripping without a map", the budget was the largest elephant in the room. We had to slay it in order to sleep better at night.

In addition to wedding money connoisseur, I was charged to take over as the neighborhood techy. This was more of a entertaining project for me as it allowed us to stay relevant in the technology age and have multiple ways of documenting our journey. It has also been a learning experience. Developing our wedding website and this ongoing blog series came from a necessity to see how we work together on projects pre-marriage. TheKnot.com provided an easy, one-size-fits-all template for website building for those unfamiliar with the technical jargon and process. Content creation is really where the struggle lies. Pictures are your best bet when the struggle ensues because as cliche as this sounds "a photograph really is worth a thousand words". 

Finding these roles in the wedding along with some of the day-to-day planning has enlightened me on so many fronts. It has proven to me that as a future husband,  one person can not pull all the weight in a relationship. It is simply unfair and downright selfish. It is easy to sit on the sideline and orchestrate from the bench...VERY EASY. It's just a little more fulfilling when you are on the court in crunch time and you can encourage your MJ (wifey) to do what she does best: GET BUCKETS! That's the beauty of a team - have each others back. Please find your niche fellas!

What other roles do you see guys playing in the wedding process? How involved should one actually become? Tell us what you think about this post, we'd love your feedback. 

Till next time...

| Shari & Donovan 10.3.2015 |

And Baby It's Youuuuu....

There aren't many times in life where you can make an event all about you. Lets see...Graduation...the Baby Shower...Funeral? Truth is the opportunities are very limited where its truly about YOU. This may be more prevalent if you're anything like me who constantly puts everything before herself. This can definitely be a hard pill to swallow. Whenever I asked my infamous, "what do you think about this" the answer remained the same - "do whatever you want, It's Your Wedding!"

It sounds like a dream right? Do what you want, girlllllll - get Beyoncé to sing on that first dance! (too far?) and with the options seeming unlimited, the planning process began as a nightmare! A wedding involves so many people that you love and care about. You want them all to be there and to celebrate this union. But everyone is in different stages of life - everyone counts their coin differently, sees life from different binoculars and deems certain things important. 

Will they see my vision? Will I meet their expectations? It was at that moment a light bulb switched on and the answer became simple. 

Be true to you and those that are true to you will make it happen. Period.

Trust that everyone you've included in your wedding is there to make your day the best that it can possibly be. This goes from the guest list to the vendors to the bridal party. At the end of the day this is a celebration of something that some people go their whole lives without truly experiencing - unconditional love. And that's definitely a great vibe to have on your wedding day.

Every vendor that was selected reflected us as a couple. Professional, but laid back. A contemporary main course sprinkled with vintage garnishing and side dishes. Finally, they top it off with a scoop of fun. Some of the vendors pointed us in a direction when we had no idea which way to go. And if you choose the right vendor, they will never convince you to go outside of your price range. They will get you the most bang for your buck and offer alternatives you never thought you wanted. 

So, enjoy this time to be the center of attention - after all you are paying for it! (Channeling my inner 2Chainz - TRUUUUU). Seriously - relationships are hard work, and it truly is an accomplishment to become a husband or wife. Make this wedding a reflection of you, enjoy the planning process , and you'll have no regrets come wedding day. 

Till next time...

| Shari & Donovan 10.3.15 |

Road tripping without a map? Reconsider...

What is a life without some sort of brainstorming and planning? 

What is a life without some form of uncertainty and confusion? 

Quite simply...Life. 

With the exception of divine intervention and Powerball winners, many of us must take responsibility and action in prepping for the future. A wedding is in no way any different. To disclose all, Shari and I are still in an ongoing state of planning for our special day, the one competitive advantage we now have is a road map to help us to our destination. Why you may ask? Do you drive from point A to point B without directions from Siri (Google Maps) to get you to your destination? Probably not. Why?

1.) Gas although cheaper is still expensive (word to the Prezzy)

2.) You don't want to get lost. (Then spend MORE money/time trying to be found)

Why would you delve blindly into the planning of a wedding without a budget (or roadmap)? Research shows the average wedding in the United States costs $25,200. Sure, this might not be your first rodeo or you've been a gut-feeling type of person/couple, and that's great - this might not be for you. Everyone else with Sallie Mae whispering in your ear - hear us out.

A road map, GPS or at the very least compass can, literally, be the make-or-break in how much stress you as a couple want to or are capable of enduring. It is especially important if you have two independent, pseudo-crazy lovers "attempting" to combine their previous experiences, personal desires, and vision to reach a collaborative goal. It is difficult. It is ugly and there will be heated, civilized discussions (mandatory). But it's a necessary conversation to get out of this thing alive. When you start shopping for wedding things you can easily get caught up. Keep in mind that when you are planning, everything is marked up 100% because of the words "wedding" or "bride". So plan something that's true to you, but true to your pockets as well. Remember the wedding is one day. The marriage is where the real investments should be made.

An ideal wedding for me was private, intimate, and cheap. Emphasis on cheap. The frugal side of me seems to always prevail. I really wanted something that would be appreciated by those that really love and care about me and my relationship. I was willing to be practical (not frugal), however, I was not going to compromise if it was something I couldn't live without. Later I would find I didn't really know what I can't live without (again, another post smh). It is with the initial talks that we identified that some compromise was badly needed - trust it took some fine wining and dining (Fajitas and Tequila shots) to gain traction but we found middle-ground, eventually. Conversations and compromise can take you a long way. 

Our negotiations led us to a joint decision to set a realistic financial cap that was soft, in nature, to allow some wiggle room. A figure modest enough that we were not breaking the bank or taking on ungodly amounts of debt. Yet, it was practical enough to meet our standard of quality we both desired for each other and our guests. This cap limit gave us a tangible number and allowed us to track exactly how every penny would be spent. Being honest about our expectations made the process that much easier.

Check this budgeting tool we used that is already formatted and provides an adjusted estimated vs. actual column, at your convenience: 

http://www.vertex42.com/ExcelTemplates/wedding-budget.html
Again, if you are a more tangible person, the wedding planners that I listed in the previous post (The Matrimony....[Word to Wale] have a section for budget planning. 

With that, if you are newly-engaged or seriously-considering, take two things to heed. First, there is great power in setting a financial foundation. There are so many factors to consider that the level of significance can not be overlooked. Secondly, please re-consider doing any road trip in life without a road map - it might be all the difference. 

Till next time...

| Shari & Donovan 10.03.15 |

The Matrimony... [word to Wale]

Context is an important concept. It is especially critical for writers trying to gain an audience - their loyalty and confidence. We have taken many lumps leading up to this moment and we are still six months away from the official "jumping of the broom". This week we wanted to introduce you to our duel editing style. Whenever, the text color remains neutral (greyish-white) that will be Donovan's perspective and if the text color changes (pink) that will become Shari's point-of-view. Interjection may happen, frequently. Don't panic. 

From the outside looking in, it doesn't seem like much is involved. A cake, a dress, a man. But let me tell you, there is much more to it than meets the eye. Does the venue fit our personality? Do I really care about these flowers? How will my pictures look here? 

These are jokes, but spending this kind of money is a very serious matter (skeeeeeeee-wee!). So let me just give a little break down about what we've covered so far:

Budget decided upon

Venue (included catering, reception necessities)

Dress (unaltered with no undergarments)

Bridsmaids selected and invites shipped to them

Groomsmen selected and chain text messaged to them

Bridesmaid dresses picked out and ordered

Bridesmaid shoes picked out and ordered

Groomsman tuxedos picked out and measured

Flowers

Band

Officiant 

Photographer

Wedding website created (www.theknot.com/us/sjdc1003)

Engagement pictures taken

Save the Dates ordered 

Guest list composed

Cakes tasted (not chosen)

I definitely feel like I've gone through more than that but that's the list for the most part. I thought it was important to kind of lay things like this out, especially for future brides, because you have to absolutely know what your getting into, as far as, wedding planning. I have one go-to for you that has made things a lot easier : THEKNOT.COM . My friend Tish introduced me to this site and it has definitely been extremely helpful in the planning process. They even have a calendar feature that keeps you on track with the important deadlines involved. 

For those of you like me who need something tangible, I also suggest a wedding planner book. I bought one from Barnes and Noble  and was also sent one from a friend ("The Very Best Wedding Planner Organizer & Keepsake" - thanks Toni!). Those are great to take to appointments, to make notes, and to have a central location for all of your information (in case you drop your phone in a bowl of Ramen noodles... Not that I know from experience...).

It's also important to have some good cooks in the kitchen. My mother, MOH, bridesmaids, and future grandmother in-law have been integral in my decision-making. Always remember that delegating tasks is OKAY. It's actually necessary in my case because I can work up to 80 hours a week and sometimes there's just no time! I could have gotten a wedding planner but I really wanted to be hands-on - so delegating was my cheaper way of compromising... 

Even though The Knot has been amazing, one thing that we have decided to work on moving forward is including black businesses. With that being said, it is EXTREMELY difficult to find black businesses to support. That is that B.S. we don't like.. Damn! Obviously, this is is a completely different post, but in short - encourage your local/fellow entrepreneurs to invest in a website (even Facebook page WITH photos) or becoming a part of an opportunity like The Knot where their business can be displayed. Help me to help you....

Yeah, what Shari said...

With that, we're off to One Spark Jacksonville! Until next time....

With love,

|Shari & Donovan - 10.3.2015|

Wedding Organizer links:
"Simple Stunning Wedding Organizer" http://amzn.com/1584799021
"The Very Best Wedding Planner Organizer & Keepsake" http://amzn.com/1936061074

The Launch

The P l u s + o n E has officially launched

Using this avenue, we hope to capture our journey into marriage and the enjoyable but tedious process of wedding planning. It is our goal to offer a voice to new-age relationships and a platform that attracts progressive conversation about love, success, and growth. 

We hope to entertain honest dialogue and in order to juxtapose this - Shari and I must understand the imperfections that come with merging two paradigms, two lifestyles, and two personalities under one roof. Like others, we experience the day-to-day struggles and distractions that face many across the nation. We are just learning the way of the world and what is acceptable as the natural order of things. 

Before plodding forward, we wanted to ensure we knew who we were and make sure our audience knew, too. Therefore, check out our wedding website for our biography, how we met, and the proposal: 

www.theknot.com/us/sjdc1003

This is just the trial to our blog but the initial stepping stone to marriage...so sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!

|Shari & Donovan - 10/3/2015|