She is Jordan, you are Pippen - Find your Niche

When we first started this process, I had no idea what role I would play. All I knew was that I would be standing at the end of the aisle wearing a dope a** tuxedo, my boys in my corner, and diligently trying to suppress my single tear from rolling down my cheek as Shari floated down the aisle. My role in this wedding cemented by black Hollywood from the likes of "The Wood" and "Best Man" suggested less opinionated and more support. Shari was Michael Jordan and my position was Scottie Pippen - which I had no rejections, whatsoever.  This idea of "helping" seemed pretty simple. Don't be late, dress like a grown man, do not mean mug in any pictures and, of course, DO NOT BE LATE. Boy, was he wrong. 

It was after reality struck, that being involved meant finding the niche that I was good at and/or finding things I was passionate about. This led me to focusing on two things that were fun and challenging but played major roles. Thus, the emergence of Deezy Calicker - accountant & technical support specialist. Each of these roles are very essential to any wedding post-2008 and many savvy couples can easily overlook the role each piece can play in the wedding puzzle.


As the go-to-guy for all things finance regarding the wedding, the focus was really on how to have a one-of-a-kind event without going into debt to do it. Now, before we go forward - let's talk about debt for a moment. I'm sure we all aware in 2015 that there is good debt and bad debt. And if you didn't know just nod along in agreement as if you knew the whole time. Trust me, no judgement! (As Shari gives a non-judgmental side-eye).

So check it. Good debt comes in the form of things that are necessary but not always affordable at the moment without burning through a savings account, i.e transportation, mortgage, tuition, and low-interest credit cards. Bad debt is whipping out the credit card and running the tab up/making it rain/splurging until their is not one red cent left at your disposal. This bad debt monster is exactly what we did not want to accrue during our journey to and after the alter. To be honest, it just wasn't that serious. We figured if we needed to go into debt to pay off a wedding, it just wasn't the right time. And we agreed to that principle, together! As we've discussed previously in the post "Road tripping without a map", the budget was the largest elephant in the room. We had to slay it in order to sleep better at night.

In addition to wedding money connoisseur, I was charged to take over as the neighborhood techy. This was more of a entertaining project for me as it allowed us to stay relevant in the technology age and have multiple ways of documenting our journey. It has also been a learning experience. Developing our wedding website and this ongoing blog series came from a necessity to see how we work together on projects pre-marriage. TheKnot.com provided an easy, one-size-fits-all template for website building for those unfamiliar with the technical jargon and process. Content creation is really where the struggle lies. Pictures are your best bet when the struggle ensues because as cliche as this sounds "a photograph really is worth a thousand words". 

Finding these roles in the wedding along with some of the day-to-day planning has enlightened me on so many fronts. It has proven to me that as a future husband,  one person can not pull all the weight in a relationship. It is simply unfair and downright selfish. It is easy to sit on the sideline and orchestrate from the bench...VERY EASY. It's just a little more fulfilling when you are on the court in crunch time and you can encourage your MJ (wifey) to do what she does best: GET BUCKETS! That's the beauty of a team - have each others back. Please find your niche fellas!

What other roles do you see guys playing in the wedding process? How involved should one actually become? Tell us what you think about this post, we'd love your feedback. 

Till next time...

| Shari & Donovan 10.3.2015 |

And Baby It's Youuuuu....

There aren't many times in life where you can make an event all about you. Lets see...Graduation...the Baby Shower...Funeral? Truth is the opportunities are very limited where its truly about YOU. This may be more prevalent if you're anything like me who constantly puts everything before herself. This can definitely be a hard pill to swallow. Whenever I asked my infamous, "what do you think about this" the answer remained the same - "do whatever you want, It's Your Wedding!"

It sounds like a dream right? Do what you want, girlllllll - get Beyoncé to sing on that first dance! (too far?) and with the options seeming unlimited, the planning process began as a nightmare! A wedding involves so many people that you love and care about. You want them all to be there and to celebrate this union. But everyone is in different stages of life - everyone counts their coin differently, sees life from different binoculars and deems certain things important. 

Will they see my vision? Will I meet their expectations? It was at that moment a light bulb switched on and the answer became simple. 

Be true to you and those that are true to you will make it happen. Period.

Trust that everyone you've included in your wedding is there to make your day the best that it can possibly be. This goes from the guest list to the vendors to the bridal party. At the end of the day this is a celebration of something that some people go their whole lives without truly experiencing - unconditional love. And that's definitely a great vibe to have on your wedding day.

Every vendor that was selected reflected us as a couple. Professional, but laid back. A contemporary main course sprinkled with vintage garnishing and side dishes. Finally, they top it off with a scoop of fun. Some of the vendors pointed us in a direction when we had no idea which way to go. And if you choose the right vendor, they will never convince you to go outside of your price range. They will get you the most bang for your buck and offer alternatives you never thought you wanted. 

So, enjoy this time to be the center of attention - after all you are paying for it! (Channeling my inner 2Chainz - TRUUUUU). Seriously - relationships are hard work, and it truly is an accomplishment to become a husband or wife. Make this wedding a reflection of you, enjoy the planning process , and you'll have no regrets come wedding day. 

Till next time...

| Shari & Donovan 10.3.15 |